


Wherever You Go

by thestoryofnarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Accident, Angst, Implied Character Death, M/M, Song Drabble, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-02
Updated: 2014-08-02
Packaged: 2018-02-11 12:21:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2067993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thestoryofnarry/pseuds/thestoryofnarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drabble. Bassed on "Suitcase" by Emeli Sande.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wherever You Go

He warned me that this would happen. He  _fucken_  told me he would do this, but I didn’t believe him. I took him for granted, and now there was nothing I could do.  
  
 **Didn’t see it coming**  
 **No kind of warning**  
  
He is gone, he really is gone. It hurts, more than anything in the world. To be honest I don’t know what I did wrong, I mean I know what I didn’t do, but he could have understood, couldn’t he? But he’s gone know, and I don’t know what to do.   
  
 **I can’t work out what I’ve done wrong**  
 **His clothes are missing**  
 **But his keys are still here**  
 **Please somebody tell me what’s going on**  
  
I’ve actually tried talking to him, but he says it’s too late. He told me   
“Don’t worry, I won’t ask you for anything anymore” and I don’t know what that is supposed to mean. The other boys won’t talk to me, and Liam keeps giving me a dirty look, but they won’t tell me what I did; I’m guessing it’s my fault.   
  
 **My baby’s got a suitcase**  
 **He’s telling me it’s too late**  
  
I asked him to come back yesterday. I told him our house was empty without him.  
“It’s not our house, remember? You changed that.”   
And I tried to make him realize that I didn’t know why he was mad, but that maybe, -if we tried-we could fix things. But he told me it was too late.  
  
 **But don’t nobody, please don’t ask me why**  
  
The fans are starting to notice. They ask me “why don’t you hug Nialler anymore” and I want to tell them that I can’t. They say they miss Narry,  _I do too._  
  
‘ **Cause all I did was love him**  
 **But I can’t stop him walking**  
 **my baby’s got a suitcase but please don’t ask me why**  
  
I loved him since the first time I saw him, jugging down pancakes and beer, at 2 in the afternoon. Who does that? He does. He makes jokes that are absolutely not funny, but he dies of laughter because of them. He wakes me up at 3 in the morning to tell me that he loves me and that he had a bad dream. He subconsciously tightens his grip on my shoulder when we are taking pictures; “because you’re the one I don’t want to let go.”  
Niall doesn’t fight, doesn’t argue. He doesn’t fret when someone asks for his help. He also doesn’t share food. He tells me he loves me all the time, because he fears I would forget. He gives, - and is willing to give- anything and everything for the fans; except that.   
  
 **What changed so quickly?**  
 **Answer me!**  
 **If you must kill me then please, please tell me why**  
  
  
He doesn’t tell me he loves me anymore. He doesn’t stand on his heels to kiss me anymore. He doesn’t kiss me. He won’t look at me; he won’t even talk to me sometimes. I don’t think he wants us to spend the rest of our lives together; I don’t think he wants kids. I want to know why, why he doesn’t love me anymore. I won’t to know why he broke all of his promises.  
“Maybe because you broke yours.”  
  
 **He said “Don’t touch me, Get out the way”**  
 **Will someone tell me what’s going on tonight**  
  
We fight all the time now, mostly about the time he’s been away. Two weeks, for two weeks he’s lived with Liam, and I have to sleep alone. I feel empty, and my heart hurts, I don’t think that’s normal. I convinced him to have dinner with me at my house yesterday, “It’s just as friends Styles, for the sake of the band.”  
  
And we fought, because I kissed him. I couldn’t help it; I’m so used to loving him, to kissing him, that it came naturally. “It shouldn’t, because we aren’t even together Harry!” And Niall shouted, and cried, and would sometimes stop to hit my chest. I can tell you now, that it didn’t hurt more that what my heart was feeling.  
  
“Yes we are Niall! I asked you to be my boyfriend for god sakes! The boys know, our parents know, why you are saying we aren’t together!”   
“I’m saying it because the fans don’t know! The people that brought us together, they don’t know! They think Larry is real! That Niam is real! You think I need that Styles? Do you think I need to see the man I love, the guy I want to marry, be shipped with another guy; who just happens to be in a relationship; who just happens to in our band; and who just fucking happens to be one of my best friends?”  
  
And then there was more fighting, and kissing, and punching. More curses, and swear words and “I love you’s.” And then he left, he said he was never coming back. He said that I was exactly the guy he wanted, but not the guy he needed.  
  
  
 **I can’t stop my heart leaving through the door**  
 **I can’t unpack my heart ‘cause he won’t look at me anymore**  
  
He didn’t turn back when he left, he didn’t say “goodbye.” And I hated movies because they made me think that I would be able to see Niall’s eyes one last time, - but I didn’t.  
  
 **My baby’s got a suitcase**  
 **He’s telling me its too late**  
 **But don’t nobody, please don’t ask me why**  
 **‘Cause all I did was love him**  
 **But I can’t stop him walking**  
 **My baby’s got a suitcase but please don’t ask me why**  
  
And I just wish that I was brave enough to love him, to show the world that he was mine. And now he’s nobody’s. If Niall was here, I would tell him how much I love him, and I would tell him, that everyone will find out about us, because I would show him off to the world. If he was here, I’d tell him that nothing would ever separate us again. Not my insecurities or my fears, not management, not the fans, not even our families. I wish I could tell him this and more, I wish I could hold him, kiss him, and make endless love to him. Not just sexually, but intimately. I need him to know how much I love him.   
  
So I’m going with him, by train, by car, or by pills. But I will be with the love of my life, no matter where he goes.


End file.
